A while ago, a friend stammered and told me something:
"My boyfriend gave me an erotic toy, I feel so embarrassed, doesn't it look casual and slutty for a girl to use it?"
I asked her if she'd ever used a toy before, and she immediately and vehemently denied it.
Regardless of the reasons for the other party to give this gift, the girl surprised, shy, confused, a variety of complex emotional response, but it is a thing worth exploring.
According to statistics, now the world has 70% of adult toys, are produced in China.
Do you also feel strange about your body? Have you also had many curiosities and doubts about sex? Or do you have questions about how to talk about it and how to deal with it in your intimate relationship?
We sat down with Evie for an interview centered around "Sex and Intimacy" for today's post.
Q: At what age did you have your earliest sexual enlightenment? What was your perception at that time?
A: Since my mom is a doctor, I had access to mannequins from a very young age. So from a very young age, I had the idea that body parts were just different objects on a person's body.
After having this cognitive foundation, later on when I took physical hygiene classes, I would think that intimacy between the two sexes is nothing special. I would also learn about it by reading books, such as practical science, and to me it was a scientific thing, I didn't think it was particularly good or bad.
Q: Did your parents guide you through this process? What was their approach to your education?
A: No, but in those days I think it was a good education not to be "guided", because I wasn't intimidated into having negative perceptions of sex or my own body.
Q: So, when did your initial exploration of sex happen? How did it affect your attitude towards sex afterwards?
A: I think it was the first time I accidentally masturbated. I was playing with my grandmother's shoulder and neck vibrator, and when I felt a sensation there, I felt something very special, which was different from the sensation on other parts of my body.
Later, through books and the Internet, I realized that this is masturbation, which is a normal physiological process that can bring pleasure to the body. Luckily, I lived in an environment where there was no sexual repression, and I did experience pleasure at an early age.
So later, when I saw the very nice toys in the UK, and other people thought that it might not be a good idea for a girl to play with this, I thought, wow this is much cuter than the dildos in China, I must try it.
That's why both knowledge and practical knowledge are especially important, not only to help you understand the world, but also not to be easily influenced by social prejudices.
Q: Have you ever had a frustrating or not-so-good experience with sex? Did it have a negative impact on your perception of sex?
A: Actually, my first experience with bisexuality wasn't very good, it was just really quite painful, but I had a lot of fun. Mainly because, prior to that, I knew that the first time I would have painful intercourse and how it hurts. With the knowledge and mental expectation, I didn't have the fear of pain or the pain to think that sex is a bad thing.
Intimacy of the body and mind
It's more important than just physical pleasure.
Doubt 1: I often have pain after having sex with my partner, am I abnormal?
A: First of all, go to the hospital for a physical examination to rule out organic factors. If the examination is OK, you will usually have pain at the beginning.
The reason is that you are not relaxed enough. You may feel relaxed mentally, but in reality, your body is sometimes not controlled by your reasoning, and you will still be tense. When you are tense, your muscles will tighten or even spasm, and if a hard object goes in, the pain will definitely be added to the pain.
Moreover, if you have a deeper understanding of the negative aspects of sex, you can also produce the illusion of pain out of fear, which belongs to the psychological category.
Doubt 2: I don't seem to be interested in having sex, am I sexually frigid?
A: Women's sexual response is actually a circular pattern. Unlike the linear pattern of sexual desire - sexual arousal - orgasm in men, they often do not have sex because of an autonomous emergence of sexual desire, but rather, in the process of sexual experience, they gradually develop sexual desire and arousal, and because of sexual desire and arousal, they continue to intensify the experience of sexual response.
Doubt 3: When I have sex with my partner, I always have thoughts of another person in my head. Does this mean I don't love you enough and what about sexual fantasies?
A: It's normal for adults to have sexual fantasies. One situation is that you and the person in front of you just can't do it anymore and need to rely on sexual fantasies to keep you going. Another is that there is a deep connection between two people, and sexual fantasies may mean that there is something missing in your partner, perhaps a part of you that you want to try, but the other person is not giving.
Sexual fantasies are a particularly good source of information to help you and your partner communicate, refine and enhance the relationship, use it well and the two will become more and more compatible.
Author Says:
This is all about our conversation with Ms. Evie, if you have had similar confusion and doubts, I hope this article will help you.
In fact, it is very important for every woman to learn and understand her body. In this way, you can get along with it better and know what you can do to protect it and take care of it better.
At the same time, women also have the same right as men to express their physical needs and pleasure themselves. This is not only a simple pleasure, but more importantly, it is the beginning of true self-acceptance and love for oneself.
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